Someone will be triggered by just about every line in this short essay. It is designed that way. Don’t read on if you have made a vow to never be triggered by anything again.
I teach, counsel others, and write. I see the mucky, degraded side of people’s lives often. I occasionally get to see beauty too. And I know the God of Creation who loves me and others. But I still see muck.
During this last week, I have witnessed three dead marriages. I don’t mean divorce, I mean people who are still married and hate each other. One couple gives each other permission to cheat because they don’t give a crap any more. I heard about a child who was sexually groomed and controlled by a youth pastor. His church–my church–hid this reality from the public for years. I read, with you, about the massacre of people in a night club. I helped a friend prepare a funeral for a teenager. I talked a person out of running away from their spouse and children. But the voices inside their head won’t stop saying “run away”. I sat with two alcoholics who had tried to be sober and couldn’t do it. I spoke with a woman who kicked her sister out of the house for using meth for the 1,000th time. She loves her and hates her.
Should I go on, or are you depressed enough?
I want to speak to those who believe in Creator God for a moment. I believe God will remake this earth and give us a Forever Life that is mind-exploding. I know Jesus will never leave me. I am certain I am forgiven, loved and accepted because of what Jesus did for me.
But I also know this doesn’t change the things I’ve lost–or what you’ve lost. Some of those things are never coming back. Think about this. Did Job really get everything back at the end of the book? Yes, he was eventually blessed with twice as many possessions as he had before, but they weren’t the same possessions. It was now a different house. And knowing how his wife responded, it may have been a much different marriage than he had before. And certainly, his children didn’t come back. His dead children stayed dead. And though we are told the daughters of Job were the most beautiful in the land, the memory of his dead children would never have left him. There probably wasn’t a day that he didn’t long to hold one or more of them.
Don’t you see? Even though we have hope going forward, there are things that are gone forever. There are people we will never see again in this life. There are dead marriages that cannot come back to life. You can claim all the promises in the Word of God you want, but it won’t happen. I can assure you. That friend will probably never apologize to you. That lost opportunity is never coming back. You can’t go back in time and have dad un-abuse you. There are no “born-again virgins”. That ship has sailed. You can’t un-see the time dad hit your mother. You can’t un-remember the time Mom called you the filthiest name any human has called you. You can’t change the person you killed with your car after a night of drinking with your sorority sisters. Those things are gone.
If you walked out the door and abandoned your children, even if you go back, it will never be the same. If your laziness meant you could never go to college because you punted every year in high school, there is no going back and fixing that. You can apologize for sins and mistakes–and you should–but it won’t change them.
People have robbed our joy, lived their selfish goals out at our expense, crapped on our dreams, ruined our plans, lied to us, hurt us, mangled us, taken our possessions. And we will never get any of that back. Even the parents whose stolen children miraculously come back to them realize they didn’t actually get their children back. They find a sad facsimile of those kids, who spend all their lives trying to heal.
Why is all this important? If you’re not getting these things back, why are you holding onto them so tightly? What would happen if you let go of needing those things? The answer to that question is the answer to the rest of your life.
Jesus said it clearly, “He who seeks to preserve his life will lose it. The one who abandons his life will find it eternally”. What he means is this: If you pine away for all the lost things, you will never live today. If you have a bonfire of memories and throw in all the things you can’t have back, all of a sudden you begin to live again.”
Remember Tom Hanks in “Sleepless in Seattle?” He wasn’t living on that houseboat. He was simply existing. Even his 10 year old son knew that.
What would happen if today you let go of that which you can never get back? What would happen? If you have a gut answer to that question, then ask God for his perspective on it. God’s answer will set you free.
But for all of the garbage you have had to endure, you will never get those days and things back. You just won’t.